Thursday, December 15, 2011

Dear Beast

Dear Beast,
I have just a few things that I would like to bring to your attention that I just don't appreciate.

-Please sleep thru the night - Mommy is tired and does not like to be woken up at 1am to your screaming.   Have you ever had to get up from a dead sleep to the most annoying noise ever and then try to do stairs?  I have fallen down the stairs so many times in the middle of the night while getting you a bottle that I am shocked when I don't fall.  

-If you must still wake up during the night, please at least sleep in until 7am or so.  I don't think that's too much to ask.   Waking up at 5 or 6am is just simply not working for me.

-When I put a brand new diaper on you, can you please not immediately take a nasty poop in it?   Since you are allergic to every diaper except the most expensive and hard to find diapers out there, it would be nice if you could wait at least 1/2 hour so I don't feel like I am wasting.  

-Speaking of diaper changes, can you please just lay down and not move for the 30 seconds it would take to actually change that said poopy diaper.   I'm not sure if you are aware but we currently have white carpet and I don't enjoy scrubbing poop out it because you can't lay still.

-When you are in one of your "fits of rage" can you please not act like you want something only to have you throw it at me once I give it to you?   If you don't want a bottle, don't say "baba" because I don't know about you, but I don't enjoy having things thrown at me.

-To get attention I would also appreciate it if you would stop running to the garage door everytime I go out there to bring the garbage out.  I don't always realize that you are there and when you get hit by the door and go flying I am pretty sure you know what you are doing because you want attention.   Same when I'm cooking, please stop standing behind me so I knock you over.  If you want a hug, just ask. 

I know there is a lot more but I think this will do for now.  

Sincerely,
Mom

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Things That Annoy Me

Disclaimer:  Before you read this blog please realize that unless I am specifically saying YOUR name, I am more than likely NOT talking about you.  Trust me, half the time the people I am usually referring to on my blogs or Facebook are way too "in their own world" to ever even think I am talking about them.  Also, I am sure there are some things on here that you might do and it's ok, I know I annoy the hell out of a lot of people.  I am not writing this to purposely offend anyone so don't get your panties in a bundle.

In no particular order.......

1. When people write on their Facebook status a simple statement of things they have done during the day and end it with "I am so blessed".   It seems to have become a "trend" lately to do that.   I see about 25 of them a day now and it is getting old fast.   Yes, it's great that you are happy and feel so blessed however, that statement is super annoying when you see it 25 times a day. 

2. People named Vanessa.  I have met three people in the last 10 years who are named Vanessa and at first they seem nice and pretend to be so shy and reserved but once I've gotten to know them, they are actually very socially awkward, do strange things like home school their children for the wrong reasons (don't even get me started), are dirty and are just plain mean.

3. People who are just too nice.  If you are too nice, I don't trust you.  Nobody is THAT nice.   My husband and I know this woman who is like that and we  have often asked each other how it is even possible.   Nobody can be that nice 100% of the time.

4. Silence. Silence makes me very uncomfortable.   It also makes me feel like I have to fill that silence and I usually end up spilling my guts and telling people I have just met WAY too much information.

5. When people post a million and one photos of themselves on Facebook.  Especially when they are in all sorts of "cute" poses or making that god awful "duck face".   I don't even know where to start on that.    I just want to tell those people that yes you are pretty but your not that pretty.  Often times I think those are the ones lacking the self confidence and they need to have other people comment on how pretty they are.

6. People who have to be liked by EVERYONE.  These people need to realize that not everyone is going to like you and that is ok.   When we lived in Roseau, there was this girl named Kate who was like this and it was so annoying.  You could tell her to her face that you despise her and never want to see her again and two weeks later she is baking you cookies and asking how your day was.....turns out that a lot of people didn't like her but just pretended to because they could no longer stand the effort it took to make her realize that they in fact didn't like her.

7. The words "Cunt", "Pussy" and "CaCa".  If you are around me, please don't say those words.  They sound gross and I don't enjoy them.

8. When people only dress their babies in onsies or pajamas all day long.   Really, how hard is it to dress a baby?   For some reason this just annoys the hell out of me.   Maybe it's because I don't like to wear my pajamas all day long.    Which brings me to #9

9. People who wear pajama pants out in public.   I'm sorry, I do know people who do this and I really am not trying to hurt your feelings but it just doesn't look nice.   It looks like you just don't care about how you look.   I'm not saying you have to be all gussied up to run to Walmart or the grocery store but even putting jeans on is so much nicer.

10. When Mother's tell me "My Children Are MY World".  No kidding....I hear this SO many times a week.   I'm sorry but if you have to tell me that, you must be feeling guilty about something because I don't know too many mothers who don't feel that way.  

11. When people don't leave you positive feedback on ebay.  How hard is it to hop on the computer and just type "thank you" or "item rec'd" or something like that.  Feedback is important to a seller and it helps us know that the transaction is done and over with.

12. When businesses post things they think are funny in their job ads.  No joke, when I lived in Roseau, a local retailer was hiring and in their ad it stated "No tattooed, pierced, freaky people need apply" and then just recently on a sign in front of a bar I saw this "Mature line cook needed, experienced, No drama please".    Sigh, so unprofessional.

13. Couples who profess their love for each other on Facebook all of the time.   Honestly, it can be cute once or twice but when you do it all of the time it 1) makes people want to vomit and 2) makes you look desperate, like you are trying to prove to the world that you really do have a great relationship.  I compare this to hickey's.....ew.

14, Facebook Stalkers.  You know, those people who add you but NEVER say a word to you or comment on a single thing.   I don't get it.   What about my life is so interesting that you need to add or keep me as a friend if you have no intention on ever acknowledging me or saying a word to me.    Or, the people who are just plain nosey.   When I was airlifted to the hospital while in labor with The Beast, I had about 25-30 friend requests from people who I knew didn't like me just so they could "get the gossip".  Pathetic.

15. Friends that don't have your back  This one drives me insane.  I am not afraid to stand up for my friends and I expect the same in return.  I don't think this is too much to ask for.   I have been in so many situations where my friends have "hid in the corner" or "stated silent" because they are too afraid to stand up for me even though they tell me repeatedly how they agree with me or think I was being treated horribly.   It's the whole "mob mentality" thing - so much easier to hide in the crowd than stand up for what you believe in.

16. When people automatically assume that my Facebook status or Blog is about them.   Honestly, the people who usually assume this are almost 100% of the time very wrong.  I have found that the people I am usually writing about are so self absorbed that they don't even notice I am writing about them.   I love that people just jump to conclusions and automatically assume that my world revolves around them.   I find it amusing actually.  If I sat at my computer and assumed everyone's status is about me, I'd go insane.  Personally, I think if you are doing that, you are feeling guilty about something. 

Ok, this is getting kind of long.   I know there is so much more that annoys  me so I may have to post a Part 2 in the next few weeks.

Share with me - What annoys you???