Is it Depression?

I have not been feeling myself lately.   I haven't really had much ambition to do much of anything except sit on the couch and watch tv.  But, then if I do nothing, I have been getting very anxious so it's kind of a catch 22.   I have always struggled with some anxiety but I wonder if I'm not getting a touch of depression.   It's kind of  embarrassing to talk about it but I think talking about it might help.  

I've noticed that I haven't really had much to talk about with anyone.  I usually post quite a bit of stuff that is going on, on Facebook but I haven't even been doing a whole lot of that.   I think being stuck at home with nothing to do is a lot of it.    Having The Beast limits so much of what I can do.   He still takes a three hour nap and if I miss that nap, I pay for it all afternoon and all night.  Sometimes I wish I had someone who would come over and just sit here while he naps (for free of course...lol) so I can get some stuff done.   Even if I do take him out to run errands he isn't much fun, he hates to be confided to the stroller or the shopping cart and unless I am feeding him sucker after sucker the whole time, he is a major pain.   Which, heaven forbid I do that because I would be getting looks from those "perfect" mothers with their "perfect" children who just don't understand what it's like to have a "Beast".  

Then again, I wonder if it doesn't have something to do with the Mirena IUD that I had inserted a few weeks ago too.   Maybe it's the fact that it's winter.   Maybe it's a mixture of all of those things.  

People who are not going through the feelings that I am just don't understand.  I don't dare post something about this on my status update because you will have those people who 1) think I am posting too personal of information out there and 2) who think that I am terrible because they are the type who think the world is made up of rainbows and sunshine and you should be happy all of the time.   I'm sorry but those people drive me insane.   Yes, it's nice to be happy more than you are not but it's just not normal.   Nobody has a smile plastered on their face 100% of the time and thinks nothing but happy thoughts.   

I don't really know where I'm going with this blog.   The Beast has been so crabby lately, maybe he is going off of my mood or maybe my mood is going off of his.    It's almost unbearable.   We are quite a pair.

Black Bean Quesadillas

Since I'm back to being a Stay At Home Mom again and finally feeling better after my surgery and round #2 of bronchitis - I figured I should probably start making some decent meals again.   So, I tried a new recipe and it was so good I wanted to share it with you guys - it was even a hit with the kids.  

Ingredients

• 2 tsp (10 mL) vegetable oil
• 1 chopped onion
• 1 diced sweet green pepper
• 1 tbsp (15 mL) chili powder
• 1/2 tsp (2 mL) ground cumin
• 1/4 tsp (1 mL) salt
• 1/4 tsp (1 mL) pepper
• 1 can (19oz) black beans, drained and rinsed
• 1 cup (250 mL) salsa
• 1/2 cup (125 mL) corn kernels
• 4 large flour tortillas
• 2 cups (500 mL) shredded Cheddar cheese
• 1/2 cup (125 mL) sour cream, light
• 1/4 cup (60 mL) diced fresh jalapeño peppers or pickled jalapeño peppers, optional

Preparation

In large nonstick skillet, heat oil over medium heat; cook onion, green pepper, chili powder, cumin, salt and pepper until softened, about 8 minutes. Add black beans, salsa and corn; cook, stirring often, until heated through, about 5 minutes. (Make-ahead: Let cool for 30 minutes; refrigerate until chilled. Cover and refrigerate for up to 1 day.)
Evenly spoon bean mixture over half of each tortilla; sprinkle with cheese. Fold uncovered half over top and press lightly. Place on large rimmed baking sheet; bake in 425°F (220°C) oven, turning once, until golden, 10 to 15 minutes. Serve with sour cream, and jalape?eppers (if using).

I got the recipe from Canadian Living. Com

Test Results

I had my surgery almost two weeks ago where they took a mass in the lining of my uterus out  to send it for further testing.  Basically they want to biopsy it.   The surgery itself wasn't so bad.  I came out of the sedation talking about Yo Gabba Gabba which is kind of funny.  The doctors were looking at my like I am insane.  Well, I probably would too if I didn't know what it was an someone was going on and on about it.  Anyway, other than some cramping off and on, I feel better.   What is excruciating is having to wait for those test results. It is something that can ultimately change your life.   Just because I am young (which by the way, is middle aged considered "young" anymore?) doesn't mean that I am immune.   I know very young people who have had cancer; some beat it and some were not so fortunate.   All of them, way younger than I am. 

Anyway, I got a letter in the mail today from my dr's office and I have to admit, as much as I wanted to rip that envelope open, I sat on it for awhile.   I was really afraid of what was inside.   So, I ran Jackson to preschool, came home and put The Beast down for a nap and then opened up the letter. 

"Your biopsy came back benign"  is what was inside the envelope.  Thank god.