Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is a mood disorder that is characterized
by multiple and/or nonspecific worries that interfere with the person's life in
some way.
This is something that I struggle with and it really sucks. I know that it's common and many people out there have it but it is so embarrassing. It effects everything and a lot of the time I try to deal with it on my own without the help of prescription medications because the side effects just aren't fun. I think that I have probably struggled with this my entire life but just didn't know it until I had Jackson.
I remember the day that I really knew something was wrong. Jackson was still little and I was having a rough time at work. I was a foreclosure counselor for a non profit organization and I loved my job. It gave me a purpose in life and I felt like I was really doing something good with my time and it was very fulfilling. A local company had a HUGE lay off because it was right when the economy started to tank. At the time I lived in a very small town so the majority of the people who were calling me for help, I just couldn't help and I knew a lot of them. At the time, a mortgage company wouldn't work with you if you were only receiving unemployment as an income because it wasn't considered "steady and reliable". I was getting so many calls from people that I couldn't help, we had just moved out of our house into a rental house and I had these two children at home. I was just so overwhelmed that I had a mini break down. I haven't told a whole lot of people about this and it was three or four years ago. Anyway, I remember waking up one morning and just thinking to myself, if I don't go to the dr, I am going to pack a bag and just leave. So, I called the dr and got in immediately.
I was diagnosed with GAD and actually went to therapy a few times plus was prescribed anti anxiety medication. I was also ordered to take 2 weeks off of work and to just lay low and try to relax and keep stress out of my life. Eventually, I was able to get myself on a medication that worked for me and was doing great and then I got pregnant with The Beast. I had to cut my medication out cold turkey and that was hell.
Since I had The Beast, I haven't gone back on my meds and lately I have been feeling like it just might be time again. I am finding myself very overwhelmed by the littlest things and I worry nonstop about everything. I wanted to write this blog because I find the whole topic to be very embarrassing to admit and I need to stop doing that. It's not something I can control. I am also using this as a little bit of an education to those who may be struggling and don't even know it.
Some of my specifics include:
restlessness or feeling
edgy
becoming tired easily
trouble concentrating
feeling as if the mind is
going "blank"
irritability
sleep problems (trouble falling
or staying asleep or having sleep that is not restful).
Re-experiencing the trauma in repeated nightmares or flashbacks
Difficulty trusting others
fear of losing control
numbness or tingling
sensations
There are so many more symptoms out there but those are just some of mine. I know that I need to go in and talk to the dr, it's just finding the time now that it's summer vacation, I have three kids at home and my husband is traveling. That is a lot of the problem, not having the time to myself to ever do anything, I think it intensifies my symptoms.
Anyway, if you read this, thanks for listening and letting me get it off of my shoulders. Sometimes that helps the most. I think that after reading this, some people might understand me a little bit better and know why I am the way I am. I think that I get misread a lot of times and it's because of these "issues". But, it's not exactly something you want to break out in conversation when you first are getting to know someone new.
Does anyone else suffer from anxiety? What do you do to help "deal" with it?
