I haven't blogged in a long time, I actually haven't blogged as much as I would have liked to this year but I had a rough year. This blog isn't going to be so much about the Beast as it is about myself and what I have learned in the past year.
Side not: If you want to keep up with The Beast, I created a Facebook page for him called The Beast - go ahead and "like" it and you will get to see his latest shenanigans.
Things I've learned in 2012
*To let people and things go; This one I have learned more recently. I had a family member who my entire life has been outright verbally abusive towards me and anything that I do. They once told me that they were shocked my daughter was such a good kid because I am her mother and they couldn't believe how down to earth and fun to be around she is. Nice hey? This person also has told me throughout my entire life that I am fat, stupid and a spoiled brat. Keep in mind, this is someone that is a very close member of family so for all of these years, it's just been too hard to cut them off. This year, I had enough. The final straw was when I was really proud of something I have accomplished and every time I would post something about it, he would post something negative or snarky about how awful my personality was. I realized that it is way better for me to just let this person go and cut them off completely than to keep the peace in the family and continue to put up with the abuse.
*I can do anything I put my mind to; This year, I took a look in the mirror one day and was completely disgusted by what I saw. I had gained a lot of weight over the years and it was time to get rid of it. However, for so many years, I just never thought I could actually do it. It seemed just too overwhelming to me. Plus, I had discovered by seeing a therapist that I was afraid to lose the weight and be considered "pretty" again because in the past, every time I felt that I was "pretty" or "beautiful", something negative happened to me. I won't go into the details of what those events were because I'd rather keep them private but they were significant enough to really leave an impact of how I thought about myself. It was just easier to be ugly and overweight. I am happy to say that since September, I have lost over 40 pounds. I am down 4 pants sizes, 4 notches on my belt and 1-2 shirt sizes. It feels pretty amazing.
*Mommy Groups are not for me; I have always thought that it was important to have a lot of friends but I have found out that is not the case. In the past, I have joined a couple different groups of women and have come to the conclusion that these "Mommy Groups" are just not for me. I am ok with that but I really struggled at first. I don't want to offend anyone by saying this but MY experience with those groups just go to show how judgmental and downright mean those women are. I am not your typical stay at home, soccer mom. I would prefer to work and interact with other adults where we don't have to sit and talk about our children the entire time. I can easily leave my child(ren) with a babysitter or daycare and go off and have some time to myself without feeling guilty about it. I also love to go out and have a few cocktails and have a good time. The groups that I have found and have been a part of are absolutely the opposite of me and have been the type that try and make others feel bad so they can feel better about themselves and I just don't agree with that.
*I am important too; I have always sacrificed time to myself for my family and because of that, I have always felt unimportant and taken advantage of. It made me bitter. This year, I took a lot of time to myself and I still do and I think that I am a much happier person because of it. I have also just kept my mouth shut (shocking I know) and kept the peace many times in relationships but this year I learned how to stand up for myself. It caused a rough road for awhile, but in the end it was the best thing that I could have done.
*Friends mean everything; It is definitely not about quantity when it comes to friends, it is quality and let me tell you, I have some quality friends. It's just too bad that I am in Minneapolis and most of them are in Michigan. But, I try to see them as often as I can and luckily I got to spent a lot of time with them this summer. It really made our bonds stronger and I am so lucky to have them. There are some that are even further away (you know who you are) that also mean the world to me and I am so fortunate to have people like that in my life, who always have my back and are always there for me.
*You learn who your friends are; When your road gets rocky and things get hard, you really do learn who your real friends are. They are the people who continue to check up on you after they know you are having a hard time and the ones who kick you in the ass when you need it but don't want it. They are the ones who listen to you complain over and over and over and over about the same thing until the one day you realize what they have realized all along. They are the ones who don't get bored with your "drama" and stick it out with you and aren't just in it to get all the juicy details.
*Competitive Dance/People are not for me; I can be a competitive person but I do not go overboard. We tried out the dance world for one year and that was enough for me and for my diva. It is amazing to me, how crazy these people are over dance for girls at such a young age. Let's be realistic here, even if your child is a fantastic dancer, the chances of them becoming a professional dancer are slim. It is also so incredibly expensive. I know people who have gone through a foreclosure and filed bankruptcy but refuse to take their child out of dance and pay for them to do solo's. Most of the "Dance Mom's" are the type who will kiss ass because they think it will help make their child a better dancer in the eyes of the teacher and this is something that I refuse to do. I want my child to succeed on their own, not because I suck up to their teacher. What kind of message is that sending? We were lucky and Olivia decided on her own that it was just not fun and wanted out after the first year. My anxiety cannot handle most of those people.
*Only you can make you happy; This one is pretty self explanatory.
*Do not be afraid of change; This is by far the hardest one for me. I despise change and I do not handle it well at all. I need to take "happy pills" if I am dealing with any kind of change because my anxiety does not like it. I hate change so much, that I am that person who never rearranges my furniture and I only work out at one gym because going to a different one stresses me out so much. I know, I am crazy, I admit it. I stood up to the possibility of a huge change in my life and I handled it ok, I think. (My friends might beg to differ...lol) Sometimes, change can be a great thing although it is hard in the beginning.
*It is ok to ask for help and admit to people that you are floundering; This one is hard for me too. I don't like to burden other people with my problems or make it look like things are not going well. I don't ask for help much and when I do, it takes a lot. I am always amazed at those people who will come right out and ask you for something that they need; like a babysitter or to borrow money. I was going through a very personal struggle this year and couldn't work through it alone. I went to a therapist for a few months and was amazed at the things I learned. Because of those things, I was able to work through my problem and things are going pretty good for me right now. Maybe because of that, I will be more open to ask for help in the future.
*Temporary Insanity is a real thing; ; )
*Life is short; Have fun; I would hope that this wouldn't need too much explanation. Life is way too short to spend it upset or bored. Everyone needs to have a lot of fun. No matter what that means to you; if it's staying at home with your family watching a movie or going out with your friends and getting into some innocent trouble, fun is so important. Life is too short to be so serious.
On that note, I want to wish all of my family and friends and anyone else who reads my blog a very Happy New Year!! I wish you nothing but happiness and hope to have a lot of good times with everyone in the next year. Please be safe tonight. I am staying in and probably going to bed early since I volunteered to work all day tomorrow.
