As most of you know, we just finally "settled" down in our new town by buying a home. For those of you who don't know, we moved to the way North Eastern Minneapolis area at the end of last summer. We spent 6 years in Northern Minnesota in a tiny town just south of Canada called Roseau. I know that I tend to be dramatic but I really, really hated living in Roseau. Except for the very few people who I considered friends and my job (and you know who you are, I'm not going to publicly call you out on my blog just in case it makes anyone uncomfortable) the 6 years of my life living up there were a nightmare.
Yes, living in a small town can be restricting and I realize that living in a small town is going to entitle everyone to know all of your business, I grew up in a smaller town in Michigan. The difference is, the people in most small towns are kind and welcoming, not judgemental and click-y. Another difference is customer service usually means going above and beyond in most small towns, not literally not caring and doing nothing because you don't care.
You see, one of my number #1 complaints about Roseau is people are so self absorbed and only care about themselves. (Again, not everyone in Roseau was horrible and I certainly hope that you know who you are and that I am not talking about you.) I have never lived or have seen an area with so many self centered, self asborbed people in my whole life. The town claimed to all "come together" in times of crisis but apparently that only means "if you know the right people" or are a "local" or if you one the "Roseau" important. (Which what would qualify as a Roseau Important would make the rest of you laugh your ass off). You can go to a restaurant and get the WORST service ever or have a waitress who talks shit about each one of her tables the second they leave and gets away with it because it's the only restaurant in town so they know you'll come back. I went to this one place quite a bit while living there and you should have heard the smack talk the highest up waitress would say about people who would leave. It was amazing, of course I knew the second I left she would be talking crap about me but I had no choice to just let it go, it was the only decent place to hang out in that horrible town. I really learned how horrible it was as I was getting ready to move when she outright made up a horrible rumor about me to get attention because she knew I was leaving and wouldn't have to deal with the aftermath of when I found out.
While living there, I joined a group of women and thought it would be great because not one of them were a "local". Most of them were wives of my husband's co-workers but they had already been sucked into the "Roseau Mentality". It was worse than Desperate Housewives, these women had nothing better to do than gossip about their husbands work and other people. I am not saying I'm perfect and have never talked about someone or gossiped but this was worse than anything I had ever seen or taken part in. It was to the point where this group would pick one person and they would all gang up on them making their lives a living hell. And in the meantime they would talk about each other too, if someone didn't come to a playdate for some reason, you can bet they were the one to be talked about behind their back. At one point, I was terrified to miss a playgroup because I knew I would be the one who was tore to shreds. It's like the whole Mob Mentality, it's so much easier to go with the group, even if you don't believe in what they are saying or doing then go against the group. The one women who was the absolute worst claimed to be such a "christian"....yeah, right. (no slam against Christians, I just find it funny that she claimed to be such a wonderful one)
When I was in the hospital after my water broke with the Beast, I was airlifted out to Fargo, ND which was about 3 or 4 hours away. While I was in the hospital, someone at our church got sick and had a scare with cancer. (Now, this may make me sound like a bitch but I do not wish cancer on anyone and thankfully, from what I've heard she is alive and doing wonderful) Anyway, while I was in the hospital, our church put together a group to help their family out. The thing that got me, is they had family near by and he had a great job with benefits and paid time off. This church group put together a website and emailed people at the church, including me, who was 4 hours away from my family sitting in a hospital bed, to ask them to sign up to help this family out by cooking them meals, going into their house to babysit or run errands, etc. They also received not one, but at least two or three benefits to help them out with medical expenses. Not once did someone from the church reach out to my husband who was taking care of two children by himself while working full time and trying to travel back and forth to see me in the hospital. Now, he is perfectly capable of taking care of things himself and our daycare helped us so much but the point is, why didn't anyone reach out to us? Because we weren't "locals" or didn't "know the right people" or we didn't have the right "lastname". I think that it was very nice for the church and community to reach out to them but maybe they should reach out to everyone that could use it instead of just who they feel like it.
This is a little off the topic but one of the main "types" of people up north that I found to be the meanest but yet I got the most amusement from were a group of people who grew up in Roseau, left to go to college or live elsewhere but realized they were a "nobody" in a city and went running right back to their smalltown USA where they are now a loan officer at the local bank or opened up a Real Estate Office and really think they are someone important. Those are the people who are the worst in Roseau....I can't help but laugh at how pathetic they are and they don't even have a clue.
I could honestly go on and on all night for pages and pages about how much I disliked Roseau and all the reasons why but I will stop now. My whole point of this blog is it is so refreshing to finally be living in a place where we can maybe put our guard down a little bit. Our insurance guy came out to our house tonight and it is the same company that we had in Roseau but let me tell you, the customer service from this office blows the other one out of the park. He noticed that we had a crack in one of the car windshields and asked us if we wanted to get it fixed and we were hesitant to even say anything because we thought it was somehow a "trap". Because in Roseau, they would have never noticed, if they did, they certainly would have never said anything and then if we went in to ask to get it fixed, we would have to do all the work ourselves to find someone and then it would be a huge hassle to get the claim to go thru, simply because they don't care. The guy here couldn't believe how afraid we were of even saying yes that we wanted it fixed.. When we told him why, he was appalled.
I have also joined a group of women here, which after my last experience I said I never would and I have finally realized that they are not talking about me behind my back whenever I leave the room. I can be myself without being torn down and being downright insulted right to my face along with behind my back. I don't have to be afraid to want to be a part of a group and can really enjoy being with others and maybe even make some friends. During the moving process, many of these women have offered to watch our children and have helped us out so much. I'm not used to that, people actually caring and wanting to help.
I went to the grocery store tonight and not only was the cashier really friendly and nice but the young kid who bagged my groceries carried them out to my car for me and made friendly small talk for the walk out. It was forced small talk either, it was really nice conversation (and no, he wasn't hitting on me..lol)
I am happy that I am finally able to let me guard down a little and relax. Living in civilization is a wonderful thing and I will never take it for granted ever again. Just to experience it, I think all people should have to live in Roseau for a small time. I realize that I am kind of going against myself here by writing this blog because someone will consider it talking about people behind their backs or gossiping and I realize they are partially right but, in my defense I never lied and said I loved it up there. I never pretended to fit in and be nice to people that I didn't agree with or like. That did not get me very far up there but I will not change who I am to fit in with a town or smile and nod when you tell me the sky is red simply to make you feel good. I am who I am and I didn't fit in there, I am the first to admit it. I always made it well know how much I despised living there and the majority of the people up there. I am also positive that if someone up in Roseau who is not close to me reads this, they will be so utterly pissed off about me writing this and painting their "wonderful" town in a bad light, I am also fully aware that I will probably be deleted by a few people on facebook because of this but I don't care. I am entitled to my opinion and this is really good for me to let this out. I have carried this weight on my shoulders for too long and this is my way of "letting it go".
If you made it this far, thanks for reading.
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