"Never explain yourself. Your friends don't need it, and your enemies won't listen anyway."

Someone said this to me today and I really like it.   It is so true.  Something happened this week that upset me and it is rather fitting for this quote.  I honestly don't know who said this but I am sharing it with all of you anyway. 

My life is an open book and it always has been.  Silence makes me uncomfortable so I tend to overshare things.  That is just who I am.  I kind of like it about me and I know other people like it too.   I'm sure that there are so many people out there, my husband included, who just do not understand why I choose to share almost every part of my life and thoughts with everyone and that's ok.   You don't have to understand. 

Anyway, back to what happened.   I am part of many groups since moving to this new area.  I am in a couple Mom's Groups, I attend ECFE (Early Childhood and Family Education) with the boys, Olivia is on a dance team where I am constantly around other moms and she is also in Girl Scouts where again, I am around other moms.   I am not always going to think and feel the same exact way as each and every one of those other moms do and that's ok.  Do I think they are judging me?   Yeah sometimes I think that.  Does that mean they are judging me?  Probably not.  Life wouldn't be fun if everyone shared the same opinion about everything.  My sister and I are about as opposite as night and day but I still consider her to be one of my best friends.   So, back to my story.  The other night after a long day (and week) at work and not feeling well (I have a terrible sore throat) I sat down at almost 10pm to read my email.  Inside was a message from someone I am in a group with who basically told me that she did not appreciate or think it was appropriate for me to be sharing my negative thoughts about our group on the internet.  That I should only share my happy and positive thoughts about the group.  

I was surprised because of many reasons. 

1. I thought this person was my friend and never saw it coming.   I had no idea after knowing her for over year that she felt this way.  She has been a facebook friend for almost that long and has had access to my blog and in that year has never once let on that anything I said bothered her.   

2. Since when do friends "censor" each other and tell them what they can and cannot write or feel.

3.  I have never said anything negative about the group or members itself, I have said that after meetings I have come home sad because of things that people have said or the way a discussion went.  In that same blog I also said that I'm sure that nobody was trying to be hurtful, that it was probably me taking it the wrong way. 

4. I have never "named names" and the only people that would ever know what happened at a meeting to identify it was that specific one were at that meeting - nobody else would know what I'm talking about.   I don't know if I hit a nerve and made someone feel guilty for the way I was feeling or what.   I know often I will read someones status and think "oops I have done or said that and I guess I probably shouldn't have, I didn't realize how much it would hurt another person".

5. I don't like drama or confrontation and I have very low self esteem.   It is hard for me to admit that, but it's true.   Over the years my self esteem  has gone down further and further because of many situations in my past.  (I don't want to get into them now but just trust that I am not being dramatic).  My blog is my way of dealing with my feelings and sending them away into space so I don't hold onto them and let them fester. 

I don't know if I'm wrong here.  I don't know if they are wrong.  What I did not appreciate more than anything was the fact that this person insinuated that it was "the group" who wanted her to email me and now I am finding out that that is not the case at all - more than likely it was just her who feels this way.  

I feel so many things right now, I feel hurt, I feel betrayed, I feel chastised and I don't like that she is making me second guess myself.  I have not gone around bashing anyone or trying to paint this group in a negative light.  In fact, I like this group and am trying to do my best to keep it going despite the fact that it's dying a slow death. 

Am I wrong here?