Dear Beast

Dear Beast,
I have just a few things that I would like to bring to your attention that I just don't appreciate.

-Please sleep thru the night - Mommy is tired and does not like to be woken up at 1am to your screaming.   Have you ever had to get up from a dead sleep to the most annoying noise ever and then try to do stairs?  I have fallen down the stairs so many times in the middle of the night while getting you a bottle that I am shocked when I don't fall.  

-If you must still wake up during the night, please at least sleep in until 7am or so.  I don't think that's too much to ask.   Waking up at 5 or 6am is just simply not working for me.

-When I put a brand new diaper on you, can you please not immediately take a nasty poop in it?   Since you are allergic to every diaper except the most expensive and hard to find diapers out there, it would be nice if you could wait at least 1/2 hour so I don't feel like I am wasting.  

-Speaking of diaper changes, can you please just lay down and not move for the 30 seconds it would take to actually change that said poopy diaper.   I'm not sure if you are aware but we currently have white carpet and I don't enjoy scrubbing poop out it because you can't lay still.

-When you are in one of your "fits of rage" can you please not act like you want something only to have you throw it at me once I give it to you?   If you don't want a bottle, don't say "baba" because I don't know about you, but I don't enjoy having things thrown at me.

-To get attention I would also appreciate it if you would stop running to the garage door everytime I go out there to bring the garbage out.  I don't always realize that you are there and when you get hit by the door and go flying I am pretty sure you know what you are doing because you want attention.   Same when I'm cooking, please stop standing behind me so I knock you over.  If you want a hug, just ask. 

I know there is a lot more but I think this will do for now.  

Sincerely,
Mom