Do you ever feel like you are the only person who is the way you are? I am constantly feeling that way. I am a member of a group that I really love but everytime I go, it makes me question myself and whether or not I actually "belong" in that group. First of all, this is in NO way bashing the group at all, it is my own questions and my own feelings.
We sit down as a group and we discuss topics, mostly about parenting. Every single week, I leave that group discussion with a mix of emotions. I feel discouraged, I feel judged, I feel on the defensive and I feel sad. Nobody is intentionally making me feel that way, I know that and it's probably all me. I just feel that whenever we discuss something, every single person at the table feels one way and I feel another way and it's usually the exact opposite way of the group.
Here are a few examples: (These examples are not taken from the specific group that I met with today but another group I meet with on another day). The group I met with today discussed more about styles of parenting such as tv watching, limiting who your child can play with, etc.
When I hear people say how they could never work and never put their child in daycare because the thought of other people raising their child upsets them and then they say something about "Why have children if your going to stick them in daycare all of the time". As a mother who is a much better "working mother", how do you not feel hurt by that kind of comment.
Or I heard someone say that they went to a reunion and they were one of the only stay at home moms their and they felt judged by the others with an occupation. She then stated "well just because I actually like my children"....Seriously?
Another big one is when I say how I like to be my own person and like to go out and do things without my children and I get the response "Well my children are MY world". Like I don't love my children or something, of course I love them but I also like myself just a little bit too and feel like I deserve some time to be "Me".
Now don't get me wrong, I am fairly confident in my abilities as a parent and how I am bringing my children up and nobody else is going to change the way I do things just like nothing I say is going to make others change their minds. The thing is, I seem to always ask questions just to get other people's view on it and why they are thinking the way they do. When people don't ask you or seem interested in the way you do things, don't you think that maybe they are judging you or just think you are wrong and don't care? Maybe just a little?
I don't know and I don't really know what I am trying to accomplish with this blog entry, maybe just to air my feelings out and sort them out a little. I have been judged so much in the past for every single move I make as a parent because of my different views on things. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you handle those feelings? I tend to get myself so worked up about it and it's probably no big deal to other people.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
The 9th Anniversary of my 25th Birthday
I'm 34. I hate saying it. Yes, I realize that I am still young but I feel like my life is flying by. The thing is, I am not doing what I thought I'd be doing at this age. I honestly didn't even think I'd have children at this age. When I was in high school I would have been shocked if you told me that by the age of 34 I would have been married for 12 years and have 3 children under the age of 7. I would have been even more shocked to learn that I was a stay at home mom. Ok, not shocked but probably disgusted.
I had plans. I was going to go to college, major in Accounting or Economics and be a Stock Broker or an Accountant. I wanted to be an accountant for as long as I can remember. Well, that and a hairdresser. I love numbers. I love organized paperwork.
But, life had another plan for me. When I was 19 I met my husband. After 10 months, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. We married at 21 and owned our first house near Detroit, Michigan by the age of 23.
This might be a little too much information but I have always had "girlie issues" so I found an OB-GYN in Detroit and she helped me discover that I had endometriosis. Endometriosis is a medical condition in which cells from the lining of the uterus appear and flouris outside of the uterine cavity, most commonly on the ovaries. The uterine cavity is lined by endometial cells, which are under the influence of female hormones. These endometrial-like cells in areas outside the uterus are influenced by hormonal changes and respond in a way that is similar to the cells found inside the uterus. Symptoms ofter worsen with the menstrual cycle. (From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)
I had two surgeries to try and clean it all out but there was just too much and it was in places that it couldn't be cleaned from, like my ovaries. An inferility specialist did my second surgery and when he came in to talk to us after the surgery we were told basically "If you ever want to have children, now is the time or it may never happen". I was in shock, I wasn't ready to have a baby - when I got married I had put college on hold until we were settled down somewhere which was now. We thought long and hard about it and decided that we had better take the dr's advice and try now because we both knew we wanted a child someday, we were just hoping not now, more like in our 30s.
The rest is pretty much history - I put my life on hold to have children. Of course I couldn't imagine my life without them but I do get a little sad once in a while when I think about all that haven't accomplished yet and really hoped to.
I had plans. I was going to go to college, major in Accounting or Economics and be a Stock Broker or an Accountant. I wanted to be an accountant for as long as I can remember. Well, that and a hairdresser. I love numbers. I love organized paperwork.
But, life had another plan for me. When I was 19 I met my husband. After 10 months, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. We married at 21 and owned our first house near Detroit, Michigan by the age of 23.
This might be a little too much information but I have always had "girlie issues" so I found an OB-GYN in Detroit and she helped me discover that I had endometriosis. Endometriosis is a medical condition in which cells from the lining of the uterus appear and flouris outside of the uterine cavity, most commonly on the ovaries. The uterine cavity is lined by endometial cells, which are under the influence of female hormones. These endometrial-like cells in areas outside the uterus are influenced by hormonal changes and respond in a way that is similar to the cells found inside the uterus. Symptoms ofter worsen with the menstrual cycle. (From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)
I had two surgeries to try and clean it all out but there was just too much and it was in places that it couldn't be cleaned from, like my ovaries. An inferility specialist did my second surgery and when he came in to talk to us after the surgery we were told basically "If you ever want to have children, now is the time or it may never happen". I was in shock, I wasn't ready to have a baby - when I got married I had put college on hold until we were settled down somewhere which was now. We thought long and hard about it and decided that we had better take the dr's advice and try now because we both knew we wanted a child someday, we were just hoping not now, more like in our 30s.
The rest is pretty much history - I put my life on hold to have children. Of course I couldn't imagine my life without them but I do get a little sad once in a while when I think about all that haven't accomplished yet and really hoped to.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Update on the Landlord Situation
Now that I have some time, I can update you all on the landlord situation. We were really torn over what to do, we just wanted it to be done and him to go away so we considered paying him. But, then we thought, he is just going to keep doing this to people and that is wrong too. However, it is not our responsibility to stop the big, bad landlord. So, as a compromise, Trevor wrote him a letter, a four page letter informing him that what he was doing was not only morally wrong but against the law. I will not bore you with the entire four page letter but I will include a few sections since I am so proud of it. He did not put any emotion into the letter but cold, hard facts.
Let's get to the rest of your itemization (this was after responding to him wanting us to reside the house due to cable installation). This is where I really was enlightened on Minnesota law and what a renter is really responsible for and what a landlord is really responsible for. I am assuming from this summary thatyou have either not studied Minnesota Stautue 5041B.161 or perhaps do not completely understand the meaning of it. Basically, the statute says that the landlord is responsible for the maintenance unless there is specific compesation to the tenant for doing this work. This means that you would have had to have a value in the lease for this maintenance such as reduced rent or payment for services. Therefore, none of the outside work that was done (trimming trees, etc) can be charged and non of the items that are considered standard maintenance items that were done on the inside of the house can be charged i.e. the water filter, batteries, mouse poison, light bulbs, etc.
He then basically then told him all of the good things that we did for him and not once asked to be compensated and how he cannot believe his obvious hatred towards us when we did nothing but take care of his home. He also told him how the last lawyer he spoke to just won a case that was pretty much identical to this one so there now is precendence on this subject. Trevor also informed him that by he asking us to have the septic tank pumped, which we did was actually against the law.
So after debating every single thing that the landlord had on the list, this is the final paragraph of the letter.
I am hoping that we can come to a reasonable agreement without taking this to court. This would be to the benefit of everyone as I am sure that you are as busy as I am right now. I absolutely do not want to go to court, but if that is what we have to do to get a resolution, then that is what we have to do. I will, however, tell you that if you make me go to court over this, I am going to go for back pay on the maintenance that we did on your house that I was not reimbursed for. I will charge the $25 epr house that you set as your rate and will add up all of the hours that we spent doing the things that you were responsible for, by law, to take care of. Normally this would just be mowing, shoveling and whatnot but you actually sent me a detailed list of things that were expected of me and I did most of them thoughout the lease. There was well over 100 hours alone in just the spring clean up. I will also add in $500 "bad faith" as allowed by the law for keeping my security deposit without charges that were within the law.
My suggestion to you is that you speak with a lawyer that knows the Minnesota rent laws and how they are applied. If anything, it may help you to avoid this type of confrontation in the future.
In about one week's time, we received an email from our prior landlord stating that "thank you for your letter, it was very informative. We are mailing out a check today, check number 4440 and you should receive it in 3-4 business days".
We received the check and all is done. So, my faith in humanity is starting to come back, just a little. Thank you to everyone who sent me emails and gave us advice, we truely appreciate it.
Let's get to the rest of your itemization (this was after responding to him wanting us to reside the house due to cable installation). This is where I really was enlightened on Minnesota law and what a renter is really responsible for and what a landlord is really responsible for. I am assuming from this summary thatyou have either not studied Minnesota Stautue 5041B.161 or perhaps do not completely understand the meaning of it. Basically, the statute says that the landlord is responsible for the maintenance unless there is specific compesation to the tenant for doing this work. This means that you would have had to have a value in the lease for this maintenance such as reduced rent or payment for services. Therefore, none of the outside work that was done (trimming trees, etc) can be charged and non of the items that are considered standard maintenance items that were done on the inside of the house can be charged i.e. the water filter, batteries, mouse poison, light bulbs, etc.
He then basically then told him all of the good things that we did for him and not once asked to be compensated and how he cannot believe his obvious hatred towards us when we did nothing but take care of his home. He also told him how the last lawyer he spoke to just won a case that was pretty much identical to this one so there now is precendence on this subject. Trevor also informed him that by he asking us to have the septic tank pumped, which we did was actually against the law.
So after debating every single thing that the landlord had on the list, this is the final paragraph of the letter.
I am hoping that we can come to a reasonable agreement without taking this to court. This would be to the benefit of everyone as I am sure that you are as busy as I am right now. I absolutely do not want to go to court, but if that is what we have to do to get a resolution, then that is what we have to do. I will, however, tell you that if you make me go to court over this, I am going to go for back pay on the maintenance that we did on your house that I was not reimbursed for. I will charge the $25 epr house that you set as your rate and will add up all of the hours that we spent doing the things that you were responsible for, by law, to take care of. Normally this would just be mowing, shoveling and whatnot but you actually sent me a detailed list of things that were expected of me and I did most of them thoughout the lease. There was well over 100 hours alone in just the spring clean up. I will also add in $500 "bad faith" as allowed by the law for keeping my security deposit without charges that were within the law.
My suggestion to you is that you speak with a lawyer that knows the Minnesota rent laws and how they are applied. If anything, it may help you to avoid this type of confrontation in the future.
In about one week's time, we received an email from our prior landlord stating that "thank you for your letter, it was very informative. We are mailing out a check today, check number 4440 and you should receive it in 3-4 business days".
We received the check and all is done. So, my faith in humanity is starting to come back, just a little. Thank you to everyone who sent me emails and gave us advice, we truely appreciate it.
Cheeseburger Soup
With it being the first day of fall, it brings my favorite food season. The season of SOUP. I found the most amazing soup recipe through a friend of mine, it has now become one of my favorites. I am going to make a batch tonight to put into individual serving size containers and freeze for those days I don't feel like cooking or just want to curl up with a great bowl of soup. I will post a picture tonight once I have it made.
Mexican Casserole
Our family loves Mexican but with The Beast it is extremely hard to go out to a nice Mexican Restaurant because it just becomes more embarrassment and work than worth it. So, I have been on the hunt for a perfect Mexican or Taco Casserole. We have tried probably 10 and they have been good but just not the one. I think I finally found the one so I thought I'd share it with you - even all three of the kids loved it!!
Mexican Casserole
1 bag of corn chips, crushed
2 cans of refried beans
fresh cilantro, chopped
1 can of diced tomatoes
1 can of black olives
1 can of black beans
1 can of nacho cheese soup
1 (2cup) pkg of shredded mexican cheese
1 lb of ground beef
1 pkg of taco seasoning
Brown ground beef and add taco seasoning plus 1/2 cup of water. In a 9x13 pan, make a single layer of crushed corn chips. Then begin to layer the other ingredients i.e. refried beans, black beans, taco seasoned meat, 1 cup of shredded cheese, chopped cilantro, black olives, soup and tomatoes. Top with the additional 1 cup of shredded cheese.
Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. I topped each serving with a dollap of sour cream and garnished with some whole corn chips. You could serve it with brown rice.
Mexican Casserole
1 bag of corn chips, crushed
2 cans of refried beans
fresh cilantro, chopped
1 can of diced tomatoes
1 can of black olives
1 can of black beans
1 can of nacho cheese soup
1 (2cup) pkg of shredded mexican cheese
1 lb of ground beef
1 pkg of taco seasoning
Brown ground beef and add taco seasoning plus 1/2 cup of water. In a 9x13 pan, make a single layer of crushed corn chips. Then begin to layer the other ingredients i.e. refried beans, black beans, taco seasoned meat, 1 cup of shredded cheese, chopped cilantro, black olives, soup and tomatoes. Top with the additional 1 cup of shredded cheese.
Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. I topped each serving with a dollap of sour cream and garnished with some whole corn chips. You could serve it with brown rice.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Need a little Help from my Friends
I apologize in advance, this blog might be a little random but lately I've had a lot on my mind when it comes to the topic of "Friends" (and I don't mean the TV show).
I have lived here for one year now. Last year this time, I saw myself fitting into a group of friends and having a little bit of a life but it really hasn't happened yet. Don't get me wrong, I have met a lot of amazing people here, people that I would desperately (it's embarrassing to use that word, but it is what it is) love to consider close friends, people that I would love to be able to call up and hang out with but it just hasn't happened. It's starting to feel a little bit like Roseau all over again. So, it makes me wonder....
1) Do people just not like me? I am not looking for pity or sympathy or a pat on the back here at all. But, when you repeatedly try to plan things and people just don't seem interested, it has to make you wonder right?
2) Are people just lazy? Do people just not feel like putting the energy into actually leaving their house and going out to do something? I will admit, I am a TV addict and I love my computer but if someone were to call me up and see if I wanted to go to a movie or for dinner and drinks, I'd be all about that.
3) Do other people just have enough friends already? Maybe it is all about quality over quantity? Maybe people here already have enough friends and they don't feel they need one more.
I just want to know what it is. I am not going to lie, I need friends. I need someone that I can call when I need to vent or have a funny story to share. I like to have someone to go out with and have a good time away from my husband and children. I've never had a best friend so I don't even know what it's like to have that one person that can read your mind and is always there no matter what or how long it's been since you've seen each other. I have friends, I have a lot of people that I consider really great friends, unfortunately they don't live near me....they live in Michigan, Northern Minnesota, Alabama, Wisconsin, etc.
Don't women like good old fashioned "Girl's Nights" anymore? When we bought our house I thought it would be fun to have a party of some sort. Summer went by so fast that I never got to have the BBQ that I was hoping to throw as a housewarming thing. So, I decided to have an Uppercase Living Party instead. The products are fun and affordable and they just came out with a jewelry line, what woman doesn't like jewelry right? Well, I ended up postponing my party because I only got responses from 3 people. Pathetic hey? I'm actually really embarrassed to admit that only 3 people wanted to come. I don't even care if people order anything, I just want to have a fun, old fashioned girls night with some wine, some food and great company.
So, I am going to try this again - I schedule another party the night before my birthday. I am really hoping to get a good turn out. I need a night of fun.
I have lived here for one year now. Last year this time, I saw myself fitting into a group of friends and having a little bit of a life but it really hasn't happened yet. Don't get me wrong, I have met a lot of amazing people here, people that I would desperately (it's embarrassing to use that word, but it is what it is) love to consider close friends, people that I would love to be able to call up and hang out with but it just hasn't happened. It's starting to feel a little bit like Roseau all over again. So, it makes me wonder....
1) Do people just not like me? I am not looking for pity or sympathy or a pat on the back here at all. But, when you repeatedly try to plan things and people just don't seem interested, it has to make you wonder right?
2) Are people just lazy? Do people just not feel like putting the energy into actually leaving their house and going out to do something? I will admit, I am a TV addict and I love my computer but if someone were to call me up and see if I wanted to go to a movie or for dinner and drinks, I'd be all about that.
3) Do other people just have enough friends already? Maybe it is all about quality over quantity? Maybe people here already have enough friends and they don't feel they need one more.
I just want to know what it is. I am not going to lie, I need friends. I need someone that I can call when I need to vent or have a funny story to share. I like to have someone to go out with and have a good time away from my husband and children. I've never had a best friend so I don't even know what it's like to have that one person that can read your mind and is always there no matter what or how long it's been since you've seen each other. I have friends, I have a lot of people that I consider really great friends, unfortunately they don't live near me....they live in Michigan, Northern Minnesota, Alabama, Wisconsin, etc.
Don't women like good old fashioned "Girl's Nights" anymore? When we bought our house I thought it would be fun to have a party of some sort. Summer went by so fast that I never got to have the BBQ that I was hoping to throw as a housewarming thing. So, I decided to have an Uppercase Living Party instead. The products are fun and affordable and they just came out with a jewelry line, what woman doesn't like jewelry right? Well, I ended up postponing my party because I only got responses from 3 people. Pathetic hey? I'm actually really embarrassed to admit that only 3 people wanted to come. I don't even care if people order anything, I just want to have a fun, old fashioned girls night with some wine, some food and great company.
So, I am going to try this again - I schedule another party the night before my birthday. I am really hoping to get a good turn out. I need a night of fun.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Frazzled Mom
I want to know how other mom's do it. To have more than one child in school and in all sorts of activities and still seem so put together. I get so completely overwhelmed that I want to shut down and take the kids out of everything and just be lazy. I don't, but I want to.
Olivia, my oldest is in second grade this year. She likes structure and loves to keep busy. She is very competitive and so we like to have her involved in as much as we can, she is just a happier person that way and then I am a happier mama. This year, she is in Girl Scouts, Tai Kwon Do and has just made a Competitive Dance Team so she will have competitions and recitals thru the year. Jackson just entered preschool three afternoons a week and also take Tai Kwon Do. The Beast does his normal Early Intervention each week but I have also enrolled him (and Jackson) into ECFE which is Early Childhood and Family Education and I'm interviewing daycare's for him to go one or two afternooon's a week. That along with my MOMS group, which I have taken on a leadership role in is making me very anxious. I worry that I just can't keep up with it all.
Here is our new schedule:
Mondays - Jackson afternoon Preschool, Girl Scouts every other week
Tuesdays - MOMS group, Pick up Olivia from school and bring her to dance from 4-6
Wednesdays - Jackson afternoon Preschool, Possibly afternoon daycare for The Beast, Tai Kwon Do from 6:30-7:30
Thursdays - ECFE in the mornings, Early Intervention (in our home) in the afternoons
Friday - Jackson afternoon Preschool, Possible afternoon daycare for The Beast
Now that I write this, it really doesn't seem like that much does it? I know others have so much more going on, I feel like maybe I am forgetting something.......
Olivia, my oldest is in second grade this year. She likes structure and loves to keep busy. She is very competitive and so we like to have her involved in as much as we can, she is just a happier person that way and then I am a happier mama. This year, she is in Girl Scouts, Tai Kwon Do and has just made a Competitive Dance Team so she will have competitions and recitals thru the year. Jackson just entered preschool three afternoons a week and also take Tai Kwon Do. The Beast does his normal Early Intervention each week but I have also enrolled him (and Jackson) into ECFE which is Early Childhood and Family Education and I'm interviewing daycare's for him to go one or two afternooon's a week. That along with my MOMS group, which I have taken on a leadership role in is making me very anxious. I worry that I just can't keep up with it all.
Here is our new schedule:
Mondays - Jackson afternoon Preschool, Girl Scouts every other week
Tuesdays - MOMS group, Pick up Olivia from school and bring her to dance from 4-6
Wednesdays - Jackson afternoon Preschool, Possibly afternoon daycare for The Beast, Tai Kwon Do from 6:30-7:30
Thursdays - ECFE in the mornings, Early Intervention (in our home) in the afternoons
Friday - Jackson afternoon Preschool, Possible afternoon daycare for The Beast
Now that I write this, it really doesn't seem like that much does it? I know others have so much more going on, I feel like maybe I am forgetting something.......
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