Do you ever feel like you are the only person who is the way you are? I am constantly feeling that way. I am a member of a group that I really love but everytime I go, it makes me question myself and whether or not I actually "belong" in that group. First of all, this is in NO way bashing the group at all, it is my own questions and my own feelings.
We sit down as a group and we discuss topics, mostly about parenting. Every single week, I leave that group discussion with a mix of emotions. I feel discouraged, I feel judged, I feel on the defensive and I feel sad. Nobody is intentionally making me feel that way, I know that and it's probably all me. I just feel that whenever we discuss something, every single person at the table feels one way and I feel another way and it's usually the exact opposite way of the group.
Here are a few examples: (These examples are not taken from the specific group that I met with today but another group I meet with on another day). The group I met with today discussed more about styles of parenting such as tv watching, limiting who your child can play with, etc.
When I hear people say how they could never work and never put their child in daycare because the thought of other people raising their child upsets them and then they say something about "Why have children if your going to stick them in daycare all of the time". As a mother who is a much better "working mother", how do you not feel hurt by that kind of comment.
Or I heard someone say that they went to a reunion and they were one of the only stay at home moms their and they felt judged by the others with an occupation. She then stated "well just because I actually like my children"....Seriously?
Another big one is when I say how I like to be my own person and like to go out and do things without my children and I get the response "Well my children are MY world". Like I don't love my children or something, of course I love them but I also like myself just a little bit too and feel like I deserve some time to be "Me".
Now don't get me wrong, I am fairly confident in my abilities as a parent and how I am bringing my children up and nobody else is going to change the way I do things just like nothing I say is going to make others change their minds. The thing is, I seem to always ask questions just to get other people's view on it and why they are thinking the way they do. When people don't ask you or seem interested in the way you do things, don't you think that maybe they are judging you or just think you are wrong and don't care? Maybe just a little?
I don't know and I don't really know what I am trying to accomplish with this blog entry, maybe just to air my feelings out and sort them out a little. I have been judged so much in the past for every single move I make as a parent because of my different views on things. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you handle those feelings? I tend to get myself so worked up about it and it's probably no big deal to other people.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Saturday, October 1, 2011
The 9th Anniversary of my 25th Birthday
I'm 34. I hate saying it. Yes, I realize that I am still young but I feel like my life is flying by. The thing is, I am not doing what I thought I'd be doing at this age. I honestly didn't even think I'd have children at this age. When I was in high school I would have been shocked if you told me that by the age of 34 I would have been married for 12 years and have 3 children under the age of 7. I would have been even more shocked to learn that I was a stay at home mom. Ok, not shocked but probably disgusted.
I had plans. I was going to go to college, major in Accounting or Economics and be a Stock Broker or an Accountant. I wanted to be an accountant for as long as I can remember. Well, that and a hairdresser. I love numbers. I love organized paperwork.
But, life had another plan for me. When I was 19 I met my husband. After 10 months, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. We married at 21 and owned our first house near Detroit, Michigan by the age of 23.
This might be a little too much information but I have always had "girlie issues" so I found an OB-GYN in Detroit and she helped me discover that I had endometriosis. Endometriosis is a medical condition in which cells from the lining of the uterus appear and flouris outside of the uterine cavity, most commonly on the ovaries. The uterine cavity is lined by endometial cells, which are under the influence of female hormones. These endometrial-like cells in areas outside the uterus are influenced by hormonal changes and respond in a way that is similar to the cells found inside the uterus. Symptoms ofter worsen with the menstrual cycle. (From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)
I had two surgeries to try and clean it all out but there was just too much and it was in places that it couldn't be cleaned from, like my ovaries. An inferility specialist did my second surgery and when he came in to talk to us after the surgery we were told basically "If you ever want to have children, now is the time or it may never happen". I was in shock, I wasn't ready to have a baby - when I got married I had put college on hold until we were settled down somewhere which was now. We thought long and hard about it and decided that we had better take the dr's advice and try now because we both knew we wanted a child someday, we were just hoping not now, more like in our 30s.
The rest is pretty much history - I put my life on hold to have children. Of course I couldn't imagine my life without them but I do get a little sad once in a while when I think about all that haven't accomplished yet and really hoped to.
I had plans. I was going to go to college, major in Accounting or Economics and be a Stock Broker or an Accountant. I wanted to be an accountant for as long as I can remember. Well, that and a hairdresser. I love numbers. I love organized paperwork.
But, life had another plan for me. When I was 19 I met my husband. After 10 months, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. We married at 21 and owned our first house near Detroit, Michigan by the age of 23.
This might be a little too much information but I have always had "girlie issues" so I found an OB-GYN in Detroit and she helped me discover that I had endometriosis. Endometriosis is a medical condition in which cells from the lining of the uterus appear and flouris outside of the uterine cavity, most commonly on the ovaries. The uterine cavity is lined by endometial cells, which are under the influence of female hormones. These endometrial-like cells in areas outside the uterus are influenced by hormonal changes and respond in a way that is similar to the cells found inside the uterus. Symptoms ofter worsen with the menstrual cycle. (From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)
I had two surgeries to try and clean it all out but there was just too much and it was in places that it couldn't be cleaned from, like my ovaries. An inferility specialist did my second surgery and when he came in to talk to us after the surgery we were told basically "If you ever want to have children, now is the time or it may never happen". I was in shock, I wasn't ready to have a baby - when I got married I had put college on hold until we were settled down somewhere which was now. We thought long and hard about it and decided that we had better take the dr's advice and try now because we both knew we wanted a child someday, we were just hoping not now, more like in our 30s.
The rest is pretty much history - I put my life on hold to have children. Of course I couldn't imagine my life without them but I do get a little sad once in a while when I think about all that haven't accomplished yet and really hoped to.
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