Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Apparently I should "Seek Therapy"

So a week or so ago, I was at a place (I will not mention where, last time I did I got in trouble) and at that place were a bunch of moms sitting around a table waiting for our children to do something.    While we were sitting there, we were talking and laughing and telling stories about kids.  Well I got started telling stories about The Beast and how delightful he makes our life because it's always something.    I was saying how exhausting he is and we were all laughing and having a good time because everyone knew I still love him but get frustrated with him.   Then, out of the blue, one of the other moms looks at me and says "Maybe you should see a therapist".  The whole table got silent.  I was thinking in my head, seriously?  did she really just say that out loud to me? I didn't want to make the whole table feel uncomfortable but I had to say something.  I told her "Well gee, thank you, that was a pretty offensive statement to make" and then laughed it off.  I honestly don't think she meant it in a really bad way and then she could see I was upset and she tried to say how she would never be able to deal with a child like that because her children were so perfect.  (Yeah, like that makes me feel any better).   But all I could think is "Who says that to someone?"  There is nothing wrong with seeking therapy and believe me, some days I have seriously considered it, but that is such a personal thing to say to someone, especially someone you barely know. 

What is wrong with people today?  I am not perfect by any means and I'm sure I have said things that hurt other people but never really on purpose (unless they deserve it) but I also know not to say things like that to someone I don't really know.

I am currently dealing with a situation that is similar.  Some people and I have a private message on Facebook where we discuss dance related issues and the show "dance moms" that we don't want to share on our wall.   Two of us had competition this weekend and our daughters all did fantastic and won high scores and awards.  We were telling each other about it and most of us were so happy for each other but then of course you have one person in the group who is jealous or bitter or just plain mean.   They come on and make a comment about how their child never wins any awards but they are also the studio that doesn't go around inappropriately shaking their booty and gyrating all over the place so she is ok with that.  WTF?  Seriously?   You cannot just be happy for our children, you have to insinuate that our children are inappropriate.   I don't just understand people.   (For the record, I know that I didn't take what she said wrong because two other people took it the same way as me and this person is known to be a "I have to top everyone and I have a story to top yours, the world revolves around me, etc".)

I just get so frustrated because I am not afraid to stand up to those people instead of just talk about them behind their backs.   I really wish more people would do that, honestly, it makes life so much easier sometimes.  It's ok for someone to not love every single thing you say and it's ok if you make someone upset on occasion, it doesn't make you a bitch (like it apparently makes me).   I know conflict is hard by writing this blog I am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, just venting a frustration aimed at the people who say the "rude comments" in the first place. 

I don't know, maybe I do need therapy?   LOL

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Is It My Fault?

This is probably one of the hardest blog entries that I am going to write.  As a mother, you want to think that you have done everything that you possibly can to make sure that your children are happy and healthy. 

This weekend was really a rough one with The Beast and how he was acting.  He was extremely irritable, cranky, mean and just plain no fun to be around.  I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the fact that we are working on taking the pacifier away from him.    (Because of his sensory issues, he has a strong oral fixation)   Anyway, we had it completely taken away and he was doing alright but then he found one in his toys and popped it into his mouth and it's like it made him even more angry because  he realized what he was missing.    We tried to run errands on Sunday and it was miserable. 

Before I get into the main reason of the blog, I have a little back story.   Right before I found out I was pregnant with The Beast, I went to Las Vegas with some girlfriends from Saturday thru Tuesday.   I took a pregnancy test before I went just because I wanted to be certain that I could party and have a good time.  I was on birth control and we certainly weren't trying to have another baby so I got the green light when the test came back negative.   Anyway, I drank the entire weekend and didn't take a break until Tuesday morning when I had to fly home.   We went to night clubs, we walked the strip and spent the entire weekend pretty much drunk.  A couple of weeks later, I went to a friend's house for the day with the kids and when I got home I had a terrible upset stomach.  The only time that I throw up is when I am pregnant.   It turns out I was pregnant, about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant which meant The Beast was literally "forming" while I was in Las Vegas.   When I found out, I called the dr immediately and was honest with them about everything.  They didn't seem too concerned and were more worried about my anti-anxiety meds I was taking and made me go off of those cold turkey. 

Anyway, I always joke around with people and say that The Beast is the way he is because I spent the time he was "forming" in my belly drunk.  Just for the heck of it, we decided to look it up: Fetal Alcohol Syndrome/Effect and look what I found:   Honestly, it makes me want to cry.
-Low Birth Weight
-Small Head Circumference
-Developmental Delays
-Learning difficulties, including poor memory, inability to understand concepts such as time and money, poor language comprehension, poor problem-solving skills

Here's the biggie:
- behavioral problems, including hyperactivity, inability to concentrate, social withdrawal, stubbornness, impulsiveness, and anxiety

That describes The Beast to a "T"....Behavioral Problems, Inability to Concentrate, Stubbornness, Impulsiveness......We also think he struggles with anxiety.

Really there isn't much we can do about it and I certainly didn't drink while pregnant on purpose, I had absolutely NO clue that there was even a possibility that I could be pregnant.   I am humiliated and embarrassed to even bring it up but I cannot help but wonder,  Is it my fault?