My Faults

Nobody is perfect.  There are a lot of people out there who think they are, but aren't they normally the people the most far from perfect that you can get?   Those whol claim they never judge others are the ones who are judging the most.   Anyway, I am certainly not perfect.   I was once asked in a job interview what my "faults" were.  What kind of question is that when you are interviewing for a job?  Do they really think you are going to sit there and tell them about all of your flaws?    Anyway, I am going to do something I consider brave and spell out all of my flaws right here for whoever (if anyone) is reading this.  I am not going to number them because I fear there will be a lot and then you can add depressed person to my faults...lol

-I hold a grudge.   I am the WORST at this.  If you p*ss me off or do something to upset me, it's going to take a long time before I get over it and honestly if I ever get over it.   It's something I am working on.   It's not easy.
-Kind of going along with above.  I am really quick to cut people out of my life forever.  I mean forever.  I almost find it too easy to just cut people out and never speak to them or associate with them ever again.  It all depends on what they have done and  how badly they have upset me.
-I expect too much out of people.   I think I am a great friend, I may be mistaken about that but really I do.   But, I think I expect everyone else to be a great friend too and more often than not, I am disappointed.   I would do anything for anyone that I consider to be a friend and that includes sticking up for them.   I am not afraid to stand up to people for myself or other people.   Nothing hurts me more than when someone I consider a friend won't stand up for me and will back down and let others hurt me.   This, unfortunately has happen way too often in my life and has been cause for the grudges and cutting people out.
-I am very vocal, way too vocal.  I know this but I just can't help myself.   I am a social person and the thought of just sitting there and not saying anything kills me.  I just don't understand how people do it.  I don't know if it comes off as being self absorbed, I certainly hope not (but totally see how it could) but I am not that.   I just love to talk to other people.
-I am not afraid to "put myself out there".   I think that kind of goes along with the above.  My life is an open book and I am not afraid to tell anyone almost anything.  Yes, I have my secrets but not a lot.   I am not afraid to share almost every detail of  my life on message boards, facebook, twitter or obviously on this blog.   Again, it's not being self centered (although I totally get how people could read it that way), I think I so deperately want to believe and trust in people.   This has back fired on me many times.   I am in no way comparing myself to a celebrity but I totally see how when they put themselves out there, there are more people who know everything about you, therefore more people to critize you.  
-I have a hard time keeping a secret.  Before some of you guys panic, I didn't say I CAN'T keep a secret, I can and have many times, especially if it's important but it's really hard for me.   For example, I just don't understand why when someone is pregnant, they don't tell anyone until week 10 or 12.   If something is going to happen, it's going to happen whether you tell people you are pg or not.    With my 1st pg, we told people immediately, I'm talking 4 weeks along.   I lost that first little girl in the second triamester so even if we would have waited the "regulatory time period" I would have still lost her.   With Olivia, we waited and it was torture.  I finally slipped and we had to tell. 
-I get sucked into gossip too easily.  This is a bad one, I'm not proud of it but I do.   I try really hard not to but I do and it has gotten me into trouble on more than one occassion.   I am not a bad person, I don't do it because I think I'm better than anyone else and I am getting way better about it.   
-I have MAJOR trust issues.  This is my hardest fault to overcome.   I am not comfortable getting into all of the details on why I have trust issues, I just do.  I have had a lot of things happen to me, one on top of another that has caused my issues.   In the last town I lived in, there were some horrible people who felt that it was not appropriate to actually act like you don't like someone to their face.  It was way more appropriate to be so nice to them to their face and just awful to them behind their back.   I guess what you are supposed to do is befriend someone and then do everything in your power to make their life miserable.   I'm hoping that's just the way it is up there and nowhere else.  I put up with 6 years of that so it kind of has an affect on a person.  I have been let down by so many people in my life that if you knew all of the stuff you would understand.   It causes me to be paranoid.   Moving to a new town has been hard because I want to trust people but I just don't.  I'm so afraid that when I leave someplace that I get talked about because I know it has happened so often.   It's a super sucky feeling.  One I would wish on anyone.  I am working on trusting people but it's so hard.
-I am very impatient.  I hate waiting for things and have no tolerance when people are late.  It drives me crazy.  Which leads to:
-I am always early for things.   I am incapable of being late.  In fact, I am that person who is always 10 minutes early because I leave way earlier than I need to in fear of being late.  
-I am obsessed with buying clothes for my kids.   My kids have way more clothes than they need, probably about 3 times or more than they need.  I just can't help myself, it's fun to buy for them.   I would rather get them clothes than myself and will wear the same pair of jeans for three years before buying myself something. 
-I have a weakness for designer purses.  This one basically comes down to the fact that I am not comfortable with how I look, I don't feel beautiful.   But, no matter what size you are,  you can have a designer purse, no need to try them on or feel bad because of the size - one size fits all.  It makes me feel good about  myself to carry a Coach purse.   Don't get me wrong, I love purses of all kinds, I have them from Target and other places too but I love my designer purses. 

Ok I need to stop now because I think I could go on forever.  Basically I am just trying to say that I am a person and I realize that I am not perfect and I have flaws too.   But, putting them all out there like I am is a little scary.....